Please speak good english hor ... *laughs*

The English Language is not an easy language to master. I remember my days in school when we were drilled about nouns, verbs, adjectives and I never understood why we had to learn all that (now I wished I had paid more attention in class!). And I remember my frustrations when I asked an English teacher something was like that during class, and she would reply 'Just because it's like that'. Eh, alrighty!

Like many other Singaporeans, my command of the English Language is not perfect and I know I slip up and make a zillion mistakes. And I hate it when I get corrected because as long as I am understood, isn't that enough?

And what is even more confusing is that in Singapore, because of our colonial past, we learn British English in school yet if you turn on the television, we are exposed to mainly American English. Is there a difference you ask? Oh yes there is. I remember when I was in Canada for an exchange programme and our group had people from Singapore, Hong Kong and others were from different parts of Europe and a big group from USA and another big group from UK. When the Canadian host made an announcement in English, the American officer would 'translate' it into American English so that his people would understand. And not wanting to be left behind, the English Officer from UK did his 'translation'. And what was so difficult that both groups couldn't understand? Words like soda and cola, pavement and walkway, lift and elevator. Like GIVE ME A BREAK please!!! I think us non-native English speakers were the most adaptable and flexible because we understood all three 'types' of English used. Initially I was amused when I watched what went on, three days on, amusement turned to frustration and eventually I was so annoyed because simple instructions because a long process.

That took place many years ago and most recently, another incident that got me thinking. I was standing in line to pay at Kinokunya and there was an English family infront of me. On display at the counter were books and one was 'English as it is Broken' - a selection and compilation of questions and answers regarding the usage of the English language in Singapore, addressing common errors and areas of confusion and shows how Singlish (Singapore English) deviates from standard English.

Anyways, the little girl was flipping through the book and her Mom took it from her. The little girl asked why they had such a book and the mother's replied 'It's because they cannot speak proper English'. My initial reaction was shock and disgust! Yeah, we're not native speakers so please excuse us for our poor English! I was about to tell her off and I noticed my reaction and remembered the ChoiceMap - I was in the Judger mindset when I judged the lady's response.

Having noticed that, I chose the Learner mindset and looked at the situation from the other side. Yes, we do not speak good English and the main reason is because it is not our native language. Many of us do not come from homes where English is the main spoken language. We learn English at school and though I personally think we're not so bad, compared to some of our friends from around the region, we have a long way to go before as a nation, we are able to speak Good English.

The consolation is this, many native English speakers aren't that great either and they have no excuse. I remember being asked by an American why I keep telling students to tuck in their shirts (part of their uniform) because tuck already implies that it has to be tucked in. And here I thought they would know what they are taking about and for years, I have stopped using tuck in and just tell the kids to tuck their shirts. AND, I was flipping my English As It Is Broken book and on page 9, the explanation goes like this ...

Question: Is it correct to tell students to 'tuck in your shirt'? Someone said that 'to tuck' means 'to put in' so it is a mere repetition to say 'tuck in'.

Answer: 'Tuck' needs to go with a preposition, 'in'. 'Tuck in' is correct as 'tuck' must go with 'in'.

So, any wonders why English is so difficult to master? And to illustrate it further, go ahead and read what I have included below and I bet you'll be agreeing with me that English is not an easy language *grins* for us non-native speakers!

ONLY THE ENGLISH COULD HAVE INVENTED THIS LANGUAGE

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns
down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop, Â how come Mother's not Mop?

And if people from Poland are called Poles, then people from Holland should be Holes and the Germans, Germs!